Starting Over, how does one do that? Is there a particular way? I’m clueless. Anyone that knows me, knows my life started very early. I was on my own at the tender age of 13. I was practically homeless but pregnant at 14 and had 3 young children by the time I was 18 years old. A child raising children. In this current place in my life, although I wish my life had started differently, I also would not change it for the world. Why, because my children were my saving grace. Not having parents that were actually parenting and having no direction, discipline, or guidance could have sent me on so many different paths like trying drugs, partying, and not being a responsible parent to my children. But through God’s grace, I was focused on being the mother to my children, I did not have. I could not bear the thought of 3 little people looking up to me and I could not provide.
My road was not an easy one and I will write a book if I began to tell my story, but again I would not change it for the world. It has made me who I am today. But by staying steadfast in my faith in God and depending solely on him and never giving up; I have been fortunate to not have tragic issues in my life. I have been able to maintain and to this day I have 3 beautiful children that are doing great and healthy and happy in life. With that being said, that’s what brings me to my blog post.
Now that my kids are all grown and young adults, I’m starting over and I’m confused on where to start. I am still young, divorced, and have dreams. But being a mom and having to take care of everyone for all those years has left me confused as to what to do with all of this free time I have now. I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s like I have forgotten who I am, what I like, and what I want from my life. I guess I’m learning the little lady I was never able to be, due to becoming and instant adult in my childhood. My days are lonely, scary, but exciting and great at the same time. I have a good job as a claims adjuster, but it’s not fulfilling and each day I’m wanting more and more to be my authentic self and not do what I feel is required of me. I want to write, be free, live like I never have, see the world, and most of all help others to seek their best life like I am doing now.
I have no set plan so far. I will take it each day at a time. Appreciate life as it is now and enjoy each day because it won’t come again. I will start journaling all my plans and goals and try not to procrastinate and move full speed ahead because If I don’t just jump in, I will start to convince myself not to try and accomplish my goals out of fear of failure. I do know the world is beneath my feet right now and I’m ready to crawl, walk, and run to my happy place and destination. Oh, I can’t wait till I get there!!
Thanks for reading,
I’m sure we have all have heard the term “Get out of your own Way”. Well, I know that term all too well. I feel a lot of my challenges and struggles in life is due to me standing in my own way. Whether it’s in love, growing spiritually, my career, furthering my education, or personal goals I want to pursue. I find that I can be my best cheerleader but also my own downfall.
Comparing; That’s one of my first mistakes I constantly make. I look at all of my friends and co-workers and what they have going on in life and feel I’m not up to par, not realizing most of the things I see them doing, I actually don’t care to do; or If I did, I could if I just get up and be more active in my life. And really most of them are posting the greatest moments of their lives on social media instead of actually enjoying those moments as I would. I have to come to realize that everyone and everything has its own divine time and moments for things to change, grow, or evolve and I need not worry about things that are not in my control. All is in God’s timing.
Holding onto my past; Maybe I should have started with that. That’s my single most downfall, not letting go, it’s sometimes a challenge to be hopeful as to what’s coming or what will be. Being a very young mom and having to raise kids, learn, and mature all at the same time put me in a certain mind state and that was only being focused on my children as I was all they had. Now that all three of my children are over 18 and taking care of themselves; I still have the mindset that I can’t live life yet because I have three children to take of lol. God help me…I’m changing though. I actually see it every day. I’m starting to become more independent. I’m so used to thinking about everyone except me, that I don’t know how to act that I only have me to worry about. So these days I’m wanting to get a puppy, see something else to take care of instead of me. Why? Why do I avoid me? I like me..lol
Overthinking. Eek, eek, eek. Why must my mind run the way it does? I am a thinker, dreamer and over analyzer. The over-thinking has made me sabotage so many good things in my life, some I have even lost. Over-thinking makes me take everything so personal or trying to dig deep for everything instead of trusting what’s on the surface. Some things are what they are. Again I have to focus on the controllable’s and leave in God’s hands what’s not.
Luckily with age comes wisdom and growth. I can say now I know completely who I am and what I want and need in my life. I also realize the things I need to do to live my life happily and that’s by getting out of my own way, trusting in God’s path and purpose for my life, following my heart, and just being the best me possible each day I open my eyes.
What is going on in our dating trends today? Having an ongoing real commitment is nearly impossible now. I’m really not liking this new age dating thing. You just don’t see courting and other traditional methods of dating anymore. These dating sites and other social media outlets only allow you to see the person of interest representatives and only what they want you to see. They put on for the gram and snap-chat and others making it seem life is great, but you don’t see what is lacking. And since we live in a fast/right now day in time. We jump in and out of relationships like putting a hot-pocket into a microwave, minute relationships. No one wants to be real. Most of us are thinking we can always get and do better. When the truth is we will never find a love that is totally what we want, they will have flaws as we do. We just need to find those most important things we need and learn and grow with the person for the things they lack or vice versa.
I can honestly say I meet great guys, but don’t understand why guys are so inconsistent these days. They don’t want to label any relationships besides calling women friends, yet they want women to act and play the role of a girlfriend or wife, and most of us women stupidly play along and accept these half-ass relationships or commitments for the sake of having a love life. Giving discounts knowing we are worth much more than what we receive. I have learned to no longer do such a thing. Yes, I want to re-marry one day, but I also won’t accept anything or anyone into my life. I know who I am and the love I have to give therefore the man will need to be the same. I want to find a great love to grow with and be one of those old couples sitting in Piccadilly’s barely getting the food in our mouths, lol. But again in this day and time, I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if it’s city I live in because they don’t call it Hot-Lanta for no reason, but out of all the guys here, there has to be better. Maybe they are sitting at home like me. I don’t know. Either way; I just can’t accept these dating trends today. I want and need more than that. I like to get beneath the surface of a person and see the soul. But I guess since God wills all things, he will send my Romeo in time when he sees fit for him and I to meet. And until then I guess I will always wonder if I’ll ever remarry again one day.
So most of us have settled very well into 2016, accomplishing our goals and sticking to our New Year’s resolutions; but if you’re inconsistent like me, you may have slacked off. Now for 2016, I decided not make any new resolutions because I knew my life was moving in a different direction. I ended a relationship, got a promotion at work, bought a new car, and most of all I started to make myself a priority rather than everyone and everything else. So clearly I knew my life was changing. I did plan on setting goals for myself along the way, but somewhere in that process, I felt overwhelmed and found myself in a rut and couldn’t find my way out. I even visited my doctor because I felt so tired and burned out. I never realized that when your mind is tired, it can really make your body very tired and fatigued.
Anyway; after some soul searching and allowing myself to sit in that rut to identify what was going on with myself, I was able to regroup and get myself together. Which brings me to the subject at hand..VISION BOARD…. I remember some time ago I created a vision board and it really helped me to stay focused on my goals and was a great reminder that there was still work to be done anytime I felt like slacking. So although we are well into 2016, I still decided to create a vision board to have a visual of my long-term goals and to create the baby steps along the way. Therefore, I will be able to finish off the year with a bang and have a clear vision of what I want and need to accomplish in 2017, God willing.
So friends if you’re feeling a little out of place or unclear as to what you want to do with your life. A vision board is an awesome tool to help you realize your goals and make plans for your future. It’s never too late and it’s a fun activity. I’m even thinking of throwing vision board parties..It’s nothing like cupcakes, margaritas, and great friends sharing their vision…
Till Next Time,
I’m a firm believer that God places people in our lives at certain times to fulfill some needs or to get us through some valleys that we may be experiencing at the time. It took a long while for me to understand that everyone that came into my life wasn’t always meant to stay. Especially If I grew to care for them, it being a girlfriend of mine or a love interest or any other person for that matter. It was hard for me to let go when the time was needed, because I didn’t want to realize that their presence was not meant to be permanent. I really don’t like change. I prefer to have a quality group of family and friends to grow old with, but unfortunately life happens and things don’t always go as planned; so let me share a little story about how I came to this conclusion and why……………
I recently decided to end a long friendship. My friend and I we were friends for almost 10 years. We met at our son’s PTA meeting and later found out that not only did we live less than a mile away from each other, but we also worked for the same company, that was crazy lol….Anyway; we instantly became friends. We had so much in common. We both were single moms with 3 children, she had two girls and 1 boy, I had two boys and 1 girl; but her oldest son was my youngest kid age. We were even born in the same month and year 6 days apart. In our conversations, we were able to finish each other’s sentences and thoughts. Hey I was in heaven, here I had someone just like me who knew and could relate to me as a person. We hung out at each-others home all the time, it really was a great friendship. My friend was a beautiful person with a great heart. I loved her like my actual sister.
Here’s the downfall, so the first issue came when one day, her children called saying that their mom was having a breakdown and needed someone. I rushed to her home and she was having a breakdown, being a single parent is so not easy. But after she was able to calm down we spoke about her issues and later those issues caused her to have to move back home with her dad just to be able to re-group. In her absence that kind of put strain on our friendship because I felt that although she was some little ways away, keeping in touch still should not have been hard. But after a year or two, she got everything back together and came back to the city and we started to pick back up where we left off..Then he happened. So she hooked up with a guy from her past, their relationship became instant and although she had just got her situation back together, she left her home she was renting, moved in with him, and before I knew it they were married. This time, she had an issue trying to balance a friendship and a marriage. By no means did I feel I came before her husband or family life, however, I felt that friendships are important relationships as well and need to me nurtured too. But it seemed as I tried to explain this, she felt as if I was jealous of her situation or did not support her, so our relationship instantly came to a halt. We just stopped speaking, I chose to let go.
Late last year just before Thanksgiving we hooked back up again. Her divorce was becoming final and she was seeming like her old self again. She invited my kids and I over for Thanksgiving it was great. But I soon realized something. Our friendship wasn’t the same. Either I didn’t see her our relationship the same or I no longer seen that genuine and authentic woman I met some years ago. Our conversations were even a challenge. We no longer had anything in common, she was or seemed to be a very materialistic person with great ambition but a lack of discipline. All our conversations were about her and her situations and it seemed as if we talked or communicated on her terms. It got me to thinking of all the ups and downs we have had in our friendship. I start to wonder to myself “what do I do with this friendship now?” She was not the person I met and had a friendship with, we didn’t have anything in common anymore, she gained this all about her attitude, and the wanna be factor was killing me. I did not see how this friendship would serve or uplift her or I. And after pondering over it for some time, it only took the next situation to arise before I let the friendship go for good. It was just not worth my energy anymore, and you know what, I’m so okay with it. I love her, I miss her, but I can love, honor, and root for her from afar. I don’t’ need her in my everyday life.
I shared that story to express that people truly do come into our lives “For a Reason, A Season, or A Lifetime”. All are not going to stay. Relationships are meant to benefit us in some form or another. Be it a small benefit or large, we all should receive something from our relationships, not emptiness. I realized that although my friend and I had so much in common back then, we are still two different people with two different mindsets and directions in life. God placed her in my life, and me in hers for us to help each other get through the obstacles we were facing at that time and that we did. She was not meant to be a permanent structure in my life and i wasn’t meant to be in hers. She and I have grown and evolved into two very different women that want very different things out of life and it’s okay… I have learned that happiness and mental health are two very important things in life. There is really no need to hold on to things or people that don’t make you happy or benefit you in some kind of way. Understand that change is evident, that includes people we love at times. Sometimes we just have to let go….
Thanks for Reading
At some point and time in our lives we have all heard the phrase “Change is the hardest thing to do” in some form or another. The truth is that it is one of the most precise phrases ever made.
Have you ever wondered or asked yourself; why is change so hard? or why is it that lots of us avoid changes in our lives at all cost no matter if we know that we want it or that it’s very necessary for our own personal growth. For myself change has been hard for me because it means its time to deal with myself. I’d have to take a long self-evaluation and face my goods, bads, faults, habits and the list goes on and who wants to do that , no one of course. So in place of facing and dealing with myself, I eat, buy a pet, always take care of others needs, read, change my hairstyles, whatever..whatever keeps me from dealing with myself and helps me to stay in my comfort zone.
But what happens when the comfort zone no longer works for you? What about when you find yourself in a constant annoying cycle that forces you to change because, Change becomes that only thing you have left. That’s actually when change is the most uncomfortable, when your forced to do it. Sometimes it’s because you don’t know the first step to take or you may not even know the direction that you want to go in, all you do know is change is needed. Well the first step is action… period; whether small or large, just starting somewhere will bring you ideas and direction along the way. And nothing in life will change for you if nothings changes. We can have the intention to do better starting on Monday, but start today…”Action always beat intentions” and you will feel so much better that you did and you will also gain a new excitement for life. As for me I’m still a work in progress, but I take small steps to get me to another level and I know in the end, I will be at my full potential as a woman.
I don’t think there isn’t one woman on this planet that does not dream of having a once in a lifetime astounding love. We all want a lover that will love, honor, cherish, respect, and sweep us off of our feet. To experience that type of love to me is a one in a lifetime opportunity. I was once loved that way by someone but unfortunately at that time I didn’t even love myself so I did not know how to accept his love let alone love him properly in return.
So moving forward a couple of years later, I found a new great guy. I seen so much potential in him. I think I planned our lives in my head within the first month of knowing him (of course not letting him know). So in the beginning, all was well and good, but after some time things started to fall off. If I didn’t send a text to say hi, he would not say anything, if he would respond to my text at all. When we would speak, he never bothered to ask of my well-being. It started to seem as if I was the one he would call when he had nothing else to do. Of course when I would question it, the answer would always be sorry I was busy or had this and that to do. But at my age I definitely know that no matter how busy one is, If they want to see me, they will create time. So I started going through this stage of realizing what this situation really was; but was still making excuses for why this love was not panning out how I imagined. I mean I was like “I’m a beautiful, well-rounded, and exceptional woman so it isn’t me lol”..maybe he just has troubling trusting women..I will just give a little more love..and he will come around. Well that led to my feelings being hurt even more. Not once did I ever stop to think that he just was not into me. I was not the apple in his eye and I needed to move on. It literally took for him to disrespect me before I realized that this guy did not have a lick of care for me.
Why do we women do that? When we care for someone and can clearly see that their feelings aren’t mutual, we wait and wait hoping they will come around, make excuses for what is wrong, or worry about how we can make things better.
How about looking it other possibilities like we just may be to amazing for him where he is to intimidated to love us….But really sometimes it’s not that we all aren’t beautiful and great in our own little ways, however every love interest is just not meant to be. Ever heard “A person will be in your life for a Reason, Season, or a Lifetime” Yep it’s true. So if you find yourself dealing with this type situation. Just let it go…You can’t make anyone love you, they have to want too. Always look at their actions over their words, actions don’t lie. And lastly if they show you they don’t want you, believe them move on, it’s not make-believe. It hurt a little or a lot. They will be on your mind constantly, but try to stay focused on yourself and what you know you deserve. And in time you will be brand new again…
Hope you enjoyed the post…don’t be shy, feel free to comment..Thanks for reading..
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