Let those Kids be Adults……

Whoever said that once our kids became adults, parenting would get easier was a Lie-awyer lol….While we aren’t changing diapers, helping with homework, or setting bedtimes, we are still very much  full-time parents I feel. Our job’s definitely don’t stop at age 18. I remember when my kids were younger I would always say, “I can’t wait until they get older so I can be free and live my life” but that has not gone as I expected it would. Two out of three of my kids are very dependent on me and while I appreciate my children knowing that they can come to me if they need me, it can be frustrating and tiring because your children feel because you are mom or dad that it is all that exist in your life. Every time I get on my son and ask why am I his first resort to his issues, he says because you are my mom lol. It’s always, mom can I have, can I borrow, can you take me, what can you give me lol, always I. Never; let me give my mom a break, I have bothered her enough. 

Kids these days are quite different. I love the fact that they want the world at their finger tips and dream big, the downside to that is they want everything to fall in their laps and not work for anything. They don’t appreciate much, or realize what it took for us to be in the positions that we are in today. I know as far as myself I would have to take some responsibility in regards to my children because I can say I coddled my children a bit due to the childhood I had, I wanted their life to be different than mine. Also, being a single parent, I needed things to be done right and fast as I was running a household, raising children and often times working and schooling. So in cases like mine, parents  tend to coddle or over compensate for what we feel we are lacking as a parent and believe me, kids know it and will take advantage. Coddling, fixing all of their problems, and being their first resort all the time, cripple our kids from being independent and it harms them more than it helps them.

While I will always love my babies, I have found that I have to set boundaries in being a parent to adult children by letting them be adults. I am learning to not be there for every mess up and let them work themselves out of certain situations, Or even when I give advice, I no longer get upset when they don’t listen to my advice. I respect their space and time and I make sure they respect mine. I think when we start to set boundaries with our new emerging adults, it can make our relationships difficult, but the key is being firm, sticking to the boundaries that we set, and being open and honest and letting them know that we will always be their parents and love them, but they are adults as we are and can not use us as their bank, grocery store, or hostel. Now this is in no way talking about young adults whom actually help themselves and need a helping had, y’all know the ones that I am talking about lol. 

Later Guys,

Pretty Lucid 

Changing Our Mindsets!

Helloooooo….. How is everyone doing? I hope all of you had an awesome and satisfying holiday. Mine was quite different this year as my family dynamic has changed, some parts for the good and some not so good. Either way, I was and still is happy and grateful for everything.

Can you guys believe that we are already approaching the year, I think it is safe to say that 2020 reared its ugly head and shot out of here fast. We all seen so many things come to the light with the countries racial divide, Covid-19, the craziest Presidential race among other things like injustices, homelessness, joblessness, loss of businesses and family, I mean must I go on. I think we are looking for 2021 to bring better things our way and help get back some normalcy in our lives.

Looking for better things in 2021 is part of my reasoning for this blog today. And those better things are building better relationships or repairing worthy old ones. Creating healthy and lasting friendships and partnerships or repairing those old family wounds. Let’s get rid of that “no new friends” attitude or being alone, or pushing everyone and everything out of our lives. One gift that 2020 gave is was being able to sit still and reevaluate our lives and every component of them. It showed us that we do need a good support system, good friends, and family and not to throw those important things away. Everyone is always screaming crushing goals, and getting the bag, then look for support from who? the people they decided to put the bag before? or the people they pushed out of their lives? We simply need people, people…….

I often say that broken relationships or partnerships comes from the lack of proper communication, not setting and sticking to boundaries, setting unrealistic expectations, and not teaching people how to treat us. We often get fed up with people once we have allowed certain behaviors from, not communicated our feelings effectively with, or set boundaries for. Which is not fair to others. We all are human and make bad decisions or hurt people at times, but with some active listening and honest conversations, not point the finger or blaming, lots of our relationships can be repaired and healthy moving forward. Now I do agree that sometimes our growth or self development may pull us away from people or there may be situations with just to much water under the bridge and it’s a no brainer to move on. But even if you have to do that, move on with no judgment, forgiveness if needed, and love them from a far while supporting them if you can.

I really hope you were able to get something out of this post today…..Have an Awesome Week and a Happy New Year!

Kisses,

Pretty Lucid……

Poly-Love, Is it the future of relationships?

Is polyamory the future of our relationships or is this a current growing trend? So you ask, what is a poly-amorous relationship?, Simply put it’s a person having or agreeing to be in an open relationship with more than one person, some would look at it as simply dating, but polyamory goes further than that.

Different people have their reasons for entering into these types of relationships, some do it as a control or power factor, some feel that having one partner will not fulfill their total needs, others want a variety or some type of erotic pleasure, and lately I have been seeing young and middle-aged couples wanting to add an extra woman for the sake of achieving their financial or family goals.

Personally I do feel that these type of relationships are on the rise, while some can be in a monogamous relationship as far as family obligations, they prefer not to be sexually exclusive, also with it being slim pickings for a quality man and more women becoming successful but single, at some point women will want all that they have accomplished to be shared with a partner or have some sort of companionship and will start finding themselves in these types of relationships because who wants to be alone.

While there are at least 10 types of poly-amorous relationships, how does one accept this type of relationship? Imagine if your mate comes to you and express how they would like to add a partner to your relationship and even if they were able to convince you to do it, would you really be able to handle it emotionally? Honestly, I would prefer to have a traditional relationship, but I would be willing to have a poly-amorous relationship, I just do not know if could have a permanent situation. Maybe it would be nice to have a partner but not have to see them every night or have to serve all of their needs because I would have help. The big but is the Trust, there has to be a lot of trust and honesty involved in these types of relationships and I am almost sure that, that does not happen in any of these situations.

What do you think? Tell me your thoughts, why does a person feel that they have to have more than one partner? I feel this is going to be our new norm soon, let’s watch and see…..

Till next time….Lucid

What are Your Dating Deal Breakers?

Hey Lucid’s ….So  reluctantly I have found my way back to the dating world and it’s so funny how with each relationship or situation-ship that I leave or leaves me lol, I learn more and more about what I really want and don’t want, deal breakers or acceptables lol if that’s a word… Like while I don’t really care for dating and having to keep meeting new people and telling my story over and over, I feel it is good because again with each encounter it leaves me with more insight as to what I really want in mate and what will keep me happy. Now I am not talking about the basic things like having someone’s who’s Self-Sufficient, Hardworking, God Fearing, Honest, Affectionate, etc.… even though that’s getting harder to find, I mean those eccentric things, things that hold my attention or things that turn me off for that matter. I also learn more about the energies that I release and what I can do better at or pull back on.

So, with all of that being said, I have always been open to dating different type of men whether it was race, culture, lifestyle, or class. I have never been judgmental about those types of things as I feel you never know where you will find love or in who. But I have found that as I am getting older, I want someone more equally yoked or that fits me if that makes sense.  I am not as accepting of certain things that I was accepting of when I was younger or last year for that matter.  My deal breaker list is growing but I feel I have to relax on some of those things, if not I will grow old alone  and I do not want that for myself, I need and want a husband in the near future lol.

My Deal Breakers

  • Over Three Children
  • No Accomplishments or Commitments
  • Children under 16,
  • Under 5’9 in height
  • No Car
  • Has a Roommate
  • No employment or business
  • Lacks in good Grooming
  • Inability to Communicate well or have mature conversations
  • Younger than me

The list gets longer, but those are my top deal breakers although I can cancel one or two.

So Lucid’s what are your deal breakers, do you feel mine need to be relaxed, comment below. Let us talk about it….

Till Next Time…..Kisses & Hugs

Checking-In

Hey Lucid’s, How are all of you? I pray better than okay. The last time I posted a blog, I had no idea that the very next month our lives would change drastically and probably forever. I know it sounds so cliche when people say that we are living in unprecedented times, but we truly are. Covid-19 has changed life as we know it for sure. While it seems that the summer is coming in and things are trying to get back to normal, I hardly feel that it will. I think not only the U.S but the whole world has a hard recovery ahead of us and it’s scary. I thank God that my life has not missed a beat since the start of this Pandemic and I pray that he continues to cover and protect all of us through this. I just fear for the people that are not as fortunate as some of us. I am scared of what they will face once this situation lets up. I remember looking at a poll a social media influence-er posted, she asked how people were feeling, 62% of them said not well, that showed that we are not fine as a people and something has to change.

Everything will be Okay!

While the future may be a little bleak or cloudy for a lot of us, We should still try and stay focused and steadfast in our goals and ambitions whether personal or professional. Try and take each day as they come and try and stay positive. A good practice to try and think positive is to write down all of the things that we are thankful for when feeling down, watching comedy or something to make us smile, or having a great uplifting conversation with a friend. Another thing that can be done in our down-time is creating goals or a vision board and putting those things in place, that will surely get us fired up.

The last and big to me that can ease our troubled hearts is to CONTROL our Social Media Intake. Monitor the people or things that we follow as it has an affect on our thoughts and feelings. Take a social media break if need be, we may feel that scrolling our timelines has no effect on us, but it actually does. If we tried taking a break for a week from social media, there will be a guaranteed difference in how we will feel. I know advise is always easier said then done, however we have to take care of ourselves and especially our mental health and thoughts.

We will all get through this some way or some how and it will all be okay. Again, I pray that all of you are doing okay and getting this with positive mind and optimistic thoughts. Do what you can for self each day and pray about the rest. Don’t carry any unnecessary stress especially for things that are out of your control. Well until next time friends. Remember to take care of yourself.

Love Lucid……….

In The Meantime

Hey Lucid’s

I have always wanted to be a transparent person and share my experiences and thoughts because I believe in one form or another, we all are brothers and sisters and can learn from each-other which is why I started this blog some time ago. So being super honest and revealing about my life is important, I’m not ashamed to share my challenges I have faced, bad decisions I have made, or my fears. I believe it’s always someone that will receive my message.

Today I wanted to talk about ‘The Meantime” what does one do in the meantime when they are facing challenges in life or trying to get past pain, hurt, disappointment or simply dealing with self-criticism. Often when we turn to self-help books, we always see the beginning challenges of the author and the end which is their successful point. They rarely discuss their meantime and if they do, they are not transparent so you as the reader are often still confused once you have read their book. When I say the meantime, I mean how do we get through the moments when it’s hard for us to get out of the bed in the morning because we are hopeless, stressed, hurting, or unmotivated. How do we keep going when we are tired and mentally exhausted? How do we keep an attitude of gratitude when our world seems to be coming apart? It’s simple friends, allow yourself to feel it, go trough it, and deal with it. You can not bury what’s going wrong, you can’t drink or smoke it away, it will still be there when you sober up, you also can not mask it. You have to allow yourself to go through whatever it is and get past it.

True story, I recently experienced a loss that really broke my heart, I literally felt physical pain from this hurt. I was in a relationship and not a typical boyfriend and girlfriend type thing but a real relationship where I and he invested quite a bit of time, energy, and love, among other things. We had real intimacy, and not on just a sexual level.  We shared our goals, failures, wants, and fears. We were totally honest and vulnerable with each other and funny enough with all of those qualities we still struggled with communication which was highly important to me and not a big factor to him, this ultimately ended our relationship. I later found once we parted that all along, he was harboring all types of thoughts and feelings that I never knew existed. And while I knew that it was not my choice to end our relationship, and that I had given 110% of myself and heart to this person, I still questioned myself, what I did wrong, or if I could have changed this or that. When our break-up first occurred, it was more of a shock and I was trying to get answers, later the anger set in, but when that hurt hit, OMG guys, I thought my life was over because I had a wall up so tall when we met but later decided to allow him in and decided not to self-sabotage my relationships and be happy, I mean we were talking about marriage and I  felt as though I was finally secured in a relationship and it was my last after I am 41, who wants to still be dating. I can remember not being able to sleep, waking up crying in the middle of the night, texting, calling, and emailing him to just talk to me. I immediately ceased everything in my life outside of going to work, but even then, I would have to leave my desk and go to the bathroom to let it out and cry.

Honestly friends, today I am still working through it but I wanted to share my story because I noticed that allowing myself to feel the pain, cry it out, journal, and whatever else I needed at the time helped me to work through it. I still have my days like today where I shed a tear, but again I allowed myself to feel it and talked about it with a friend who allowed me to vent. I am still working through it and in my meantime and writing this blog is also a help, I say all of this to say, work on Your Meantime, do the work you need to do to be happy, at peace, and the best version of you. Don’t run, hide, bury, or mask your challenges. Deal with them, it will equip you to move past things much easier and faster or face the challenges or fear you need to face head on. The things that I have listed below helps me quite a bit and gives me the strength not only for my situation but in all areas of my life.

Practice an Attitude of Gratitude, write down the things you are grateful for versus what you don’t have or feel you are missing.

Remember your goals and your purpose, don’t lose sight of them

Pray your way through your hurt or fears and ask for guidance

And if you need to take a break, do it but jump back on the saddle and stay focused

See a therapist if need be

Help someone help, and make your heart smile

Have and Awesome Week,

Pretty Lucid……..