Closing out Chapter 43 and Loading Chapter 44!

It’s my Birthday…..I am so grateful for this new chapter, it gives me a sense of being renewed. I am actually looking forward to growing older and wiser and doing it with grace.

I was hankered to write this post because if I am being honest, my 43rd chapter had to be one of the best but worst years that I’ve ever experienced and I was ready to move on from it. 

For me, growing older is like Sunday mornings, it revives your spirit for the new journey ahead. In my 43rd chapter I had a beautiful granddaughter, I got hitched in Vegas to who I thought would be the love of my life but it was over for us before we could even begin, had to file for bankruptcy due to my impulsive financial decisions, and now a divorce, got the job I always wanted, and accomplished some small goals that I had. So lots of ups and downs. Through these trails, I was forced to really sit and take a look at myself and question my thoughts, actions, and not so good decisions. I took responsibility for my bad decisions and/ or mistakes, realized where I went wrong and identified any triggers or distractions that took me off of my path. I forgave myself, and most importantly asked for God’s forgiveness for thinking that I can do anything without him.

Luckily I have come out on top despite all of my heartaches. My spirit has been renewed. My mindset has been renewed. My heart has healed. And best of all, I still have God’s mercy and grace holding me down.I am typically a very private person and don’t share all parts of my life, especially the challenging parts because my pride just won’t let me. I choose to work through things alone. But I have since learned to be more transparent with people to a degree. I believe sometimes our own journeys can inspire or help others get through their stuff because we all have it right…..

So today I woke up on that new new lol. I thanked God for a new opportunity to show more gratitude, live more happily, and understand that life is a journey and learning path to greatness. And patience is virtue, everything doesn’t have to come to me at once. I wanted to share some of my takeaways from my 43rd chapter, hopefully it can help you too….

Lessons from Chapter 43

  • For anything that you give, you have to give yourself double
  • To give yourself grace for any mistakes, but do better
  • That the love & respect that you give yourself is what you will receive from others. So if you don’t love & respect you, no one else will.
  • It’s okay to say NO and not give a  sh*t…lol
  • Lastly, being still and allowing temporary pleasures to past will help you dodge lots of heartaches in your future. 

Here’s to Chapter 44 Baby……

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What 2021 taught me!

Hey Hey Hey, today is the last day of the year. Remember at this time in 2020 how we all thought that 2021 was gonna be the ish… for us. But 2021 and her niece Covid had other plans. It just goes to show that while we are busy making plans, life is ready to pitch those curve balls. I know that so many of us caught those curve balls this year and dealt with quite a bit and honestly probably still is dealing; my prayers are with you….But while we may have dealt with a lot, I can say for sure that a lot of us learned some valuable lessons in honoring ourselves.

But First, My Highlights!

My highlights for 2021 was going after what I wanted and finally getting the Underwriter role I wanted. Hooray!!!! My other highlight was welcoming my granddaughter Alessandra Cecilia into the world, my son and his wife created such a beautiful angel.

My Low Points!

You guys I started experiencing anxiety and maybe even a little depression. I did not know what was going on with me, but I knew I was not myself. I love walking trails, reading, and writing, yet all I could muster up to do was watch Netflix or Hulu. I am a very private person for the most part, so I did not want to share how I was feeling with anyone. I just thought I’d find ways to snap out of it. I was able to snap out of those feelings honestly by sitting in it and facing it. I journaled about what I was feeling, what were my fears, what triggered those feelings, and what I can do better to take care of myself. Once I was able to sort those feelings and thoughts out, I started to feel better. Therapy is still something I am seeking in the new year to make sure I am good though.

What 2021 Taught Me!

2021 taught me learn the value in being still and listening for God’s guidance. It taught me to love myself more and know that I am worth coming first in my life. 2021 taught me to hold on tight to what I love and to go where I am celebrated and not tolerated. I would have to say my biggest lesson was that life waits for no one, so live it or exist in it. I choose to live in it and that is what I will continue to do in the new year. To love and be loved. To run fast after what I want and not to look back. And oh, not give a care about what anyone thinks about it. It’s my life to live.

Friends I want you to live that way too. And for you that is reading this, I pray that 2022 be best year of your life coming and that God covers and protects you through it.

Talk in the New Year!!!!!

P-Lucid…….

Let those Kids be Adults……

Whoever said that once our kids became adults, parenting would get easier was a Lie-awyer lol….While we aren’t changing diapers, helping with homework, or setting bedtimes, we are still very much  full-time parents I feel. Our job’s definitely don’t stop at age 18. I remember when my kids were younger I would always say, “I can’t wait until they get older so I can be free and live my life” but that has not gone as I expected it would. Two out of three of my kids are very dependent on me and while I appreciate my children knowing that they can come to me if they need me, it can be frustrating and tiring because your children feel because you are mom or dad that it is all that exist in your life. Every time I get on my son and ask why am I his first resort to his issues, he says because you are my mom lol. It’s always, mom can I have, can I borrow, can you take me, what can you give me lol, always I. Never; let me give my mom a break, I have bothered her enough. 

Kids these days are quite different. I love the fact that they want the world at their finger tips and dream big, the downside to that is they want everything to fall in their laps and not work for anything. They don’t appreciate much, or realize what it took for us to be in the positions that we are in today. I know as far as myself I would have to take some responsibility in regards to my children because I can say I coddled my children a bit due to the childhood I had, I wanted their life to be different than mine. Also, being a single parent, I needed things to be done right and fast as I was running a household, raising children and often times working and schooling. So in cases like mine, parents  tend to coddle or over compensate for what we feel we are lacking as a parent and believe me, kids know it and will take advantage. Coddling, fixing all of their problems, and being their first resort all the time, cripple our kids from being independent and it harms them more than it helps them.

While I will always love my babies, I have found that I have to set boundaries in being a parent to adult children by letting them be adults. I am learning to not be there for every mess up and let them work themselves out of certain situations, Or even when I give advice, I no longer get upset when they don’t listen to my advice. I respect their space and time and I make sure they respect mine. I think when we start to set boundaries with our new emerging adults, it can make our relationships difficult, but the key is being firm, sticking to the boundaries that we set, and being open and honest and letting them know that we will always be their parents and love them, but they are adults as we are and can not use us as their bank, grocery store, or hostel. Now this is in no way talking about young adults whom actually help themselves and need a helping had, y’all know the ones that I am talking about lol. 

Later Guys,

Pretty Lucid 

Changing Our Mindsets!

Helloooooo….. How is everyone doing? I hope all of you had an awesome and satisfying holiday. Mine was quite different this year as my family dynamic has changed, some parts for the good and some not so good. Either way, I was and still is happy and grateful for everything.

Can you guys believe that we are already approaching the year, I think it is safe to say that 2020 reared its ugly head and shot out of here fast. We all seen so many things come to the light with the countries racial divide, Covid-19, the craziest Presidential race among other things like injustices, homelessness, joblessness, loss of businesses and family, I mean must I go on. I think we are looking for 2021 to bring better things our way and help get back some normalcy in our lives.

Looking for better things in 2021 is part of my reasoning for this blog today. And those better things are building better relationships or repairing worthy old ones. Creating healthy and lasting friendships and partnerships or repairing those old family wounds. Let’s get rid of that “no new friends” attitude or being alone, or pushing everyone and everything out of our lives. One gift that 2020 gave is was being able to sit still and reevaluate our lives and every component of them. It showed us that we do need a good support system, good friends, and family and not to throw those important things away. Everyone is always screaming crushing goals, and getting the bag, then look for support from who? the people they decided to put the bag before? or the people they pushed out of their lives? We simply need people, people…….

I often say that broken relationships or partnerships comes from the lack of proper communication, not setting and sticking to boundaries, setting unrealistic expectations, and not teaching people how to treat us. We often get fed up with people once we have allowed certain behaviors from, not communicated our feelings effectively with, or set boundaries for. Which is not fair to others. We all are human and make bad decisions or hurt people at times, but with some active listening and honest conversations, not point the finger or blaming, lots of our relationships can be repaired and healthy moving forward. Now I do agree that sometimes our growth or self development may pull us away from people or there may be situations with just to much water under the bridge and it’s a no brainer to move on. But even if you have to do that, move on with no judgment, forgiveness if needed, and love them from a far while supporting them if you can.

I really hope you were able to get something out of this post today…..Have an Awesome Week and a Happy New Year!

Kisses,

Pretty Lucid……

Poly-Love, Is it the future of relationships?

Is polyamory the future of our relationships or is this a current growing trend? So you ask, what is a poly-amorous relationship?, Simply put it’s a person having or agreeing to be in an open relationship with more than one person, some would look at it as simply dating, but polyamory goes further than that.

Different people have their reasons for entering into these types of relationships, some do it as a control or power factor, some feel that having one partner will not fulfill their total needs, others want a variety or some type of erotic pleasure, and lately I have been seeing young and middle-aged couples wanting to add an extra woman for the sake of achieving their financial or family goals.

Personally I do feel that these type of relationships are on the rise, while some can be in a monogamous relationship as far as family obligations, they prefer not to be sexually exclusive, also with it being slim pickings for a quality man and more women becoming successful but single, at some point women will want all that they have accomplished to be shared with a partner or have some sort of companionship and will start finding themselves in these types of relationships because who wants to be alone.

While there are at least 10 types of poly-amorous relationships, how does one accept this type of relationship? Imagine if your mate comes to you and express how they would like to add a partner to your relationship and even if they were able to convince you to do it, would you really be able to handle it emotionally? Honestly, I would prefer to have a traditional relationship, but I would be willing to have a poly-amorous relationship, I just do not know if could have a permanent situation. Maybe it would be nice to have a partner but not have to see them every night or have to serve all of their needs because I would have help. The big but is the Trust, there has to be a lot of trust and honesty involved in these types of relationships and I am almost sure that, that does not happen in any of these situations.

What do you think? Tell me your thoughts, why does a person feel that they have to have more than one partner? I feel this is going to be our new norm soon, let’s watch and see…..

Till next time….Lucid

What are Your Dating Deal Breakers?

Hey Lucid’s ….So  reluctantly I have found my way back to the dating world and it’s so funny how with each relationship or situation-ship that I leave or leaves me lol, I learn more and more about what I really want and don’t want, deal breakers or acceptables lol if that’s a word… Like while I don’t really care for dating and having to keep meeting new people and telling my story over and over, I feel it is good because again with each encounter it leaves me with more insight as to what I really want in mate and what will keep me happy. Now I am not talking about the basic things like having someone’s who’s Self-Sufficient, Hardworking, God Fearing, Honest, Affectionate, etc.… even though that’s getting harder to find, I mean those eccentric things, things that hold my attention or things that turn me off for that matter. I also learn more about the energies that I release and what I can do better at or pull back on.

So, with all of that being said, I have always been open to dating different type of men whether it was race, culture, lifestyle, or class. I have never been judgmental about those types of things as I feel you never know where you will find love or in who. But I have found that as I am getting older, I want someone more equally yoked or that fits me if that makes sense.  I am not as accepting of certain things that I was accepting of when I was younger or last year for that matter.  My deal breaker list is growing but I feel I have to relax on some of those things, if not I will grow old alone  and I do not want that for myself, I need and want a husband in the near future lol.

My Deal Breakers

  • Over Three Children
  • No Accomplishments or Commitments
  • Children under 16,
  • Under 5’9 in height
  • No Car
  • Has a Roommate
  • No employment or business
  • Lacks in good Grooming
  • Inability to Communicate well or have mature conversations
  • Younger than me

The list gets longer, but those are my top deal breakers although I can cancel one or two.

So Lucid’s what are your deal breakers, do you feel mine need to be relaxed, comment below. Let us talk about it….

Till Next Time…..Kisses & Hugs